By Living Room Realty, July 16, 2020
I’ve always been a fan of the Gin Blossoms song Hey Jealousy. Judge away – I have no shame.
There was one line in that song that stuck with me so hard, “If you don’t expect too much from me, you might not be let down.” 2020 Shannon has no idea exactly where 21 year old Shannon’s head was back in 1997, but when that song came out it resonated with me on many levels, but that line, damn – it just wouldn’t get out of my head and it has stayed there for 23 years, no joke. Maybe it sparked the ah-ha moment when I realized that my own expectations were often the direct cause of my disappointment when things didn’t turn out “right”. Maybe it was the feeling that I’m ok to just be me, that the expectations of others don’t get to shape who I am. There’s really no telling. I just know that it felt so simple and so powerful.
The reason I’m bringing this up now? Well, we all have expectations, no matter how much we try to keep them in check it’s part of how are brains are wired. If I eat an orange today and it’s tasty and I don’t get sick or die, I expect I can eat one tomorrow with similar result. Right? Only it’s not exclusively basic survival instinct that creates expectation, we’re arguably more complex than that. We create expectations in every aspect of our lives, for better or worse. And right now we’re all facing the demolition of our expectations, some people for the first time.
The beautiful thing about being human is that we are truly in control of how we handle these challenging moments. We can be sad or angry, or both. We can experience fifty varying emotions in the span of a day, or an hour. We can drink whiskey, howl at the moon, or wear our favorite stones for protection. Â Whatever people need to do to process and feel strong, they’re doing it. But once you’ve shocked yourself with an interestingly timed cry while watching Netflix, let out the primal screams, smudged the house with sage, and/or had a couple of hangovers it’s time. It’s time to reset, to let go, and to remember expectations truly are a way to feel let down. It’s time to do some personal work, to let go of long held expectations, to embrace flexibility, and maybe even find a good therapist.
Now is a time to be better listeners, to be better neighbors, and to care about the safety of others as we do our own families.
As my good friend Jerry would say.. take care of yourself, and each other.
