Okay, you and/or your soon-to-be ex decided that it’s over. I am sorry … or congratulations? No matter how you got to this moment the process of getting through the actual uncoupling can be tiresome. If you are like most Americans, your home is your most valuable asset. Some people can’t imagine living in the home they once imagined growing old in with their former flame and some simply can’t afford to stay even if they wanted to. Let’s look at your different options and some things to consider with each.

Your ex keeps it.

This would need to be spelled out in the divorce judgement, but basically your ex would keep it and you would be compensated for your share of the equity*.  Current value of your home can be determined by hiring a private appraiser or an agreed upon real estate agent’s assessment. Your compensation might come from keeping certain marital assets, the compensation from intangible acts during the marriage, or you receive a payout. Your name will come off the title for the house and the note for the loan.

You keep it.

Logistically, the process is the same as what we talked about above, except you are the one who will stay on title and your ex will be compensated. If you have a lower interest rate that you want to keep, you can request a loan assumption from your current lender and see if you can keep that rate. If you have kids, staying in the house provides continuity for the kids and for you too. Divorce alone is disruptive; moving can add another layer of disruption that might be too much right now. You also then have the option to sell the home down the line when you are ready, and you don’t have to agree on the process & choices with your belated beloved.

Sell it & split the proceeds.

Many folks end up in this last option. Sometimes they are putting the home on the market right away and sometimes people delay their sale for an event in the future (say, your kid’s graduation). The advantage here is that neither of you feel entitled to the other’s space. New partners don’t have to feel awkward about sharing a bedroom that you and the blast from the past shared. You also don’t have to be in the same space that housed so many old memories. In this scenario, you and your ex will need to agree on some things. You will need to agree on which real estate agent to use, what preparations to do, which offer to accept, etc. All the vendors that you work with in this transaction will be working for both of you and the same information will need to be shared with both parties. Most vendors can accommodate that so that you don’t need to be in the same rooms, calls, or emails with the ex. But you will need to be able to work together.

Whatever you decide to do, it can be helpful to know your options and talk it through. For most people there isn’t a “right” choice, it’s usually a “good enough” choice. However, this ends up, please remember that the turmoil and disruption that comes with divorce has a half-life. One day you will be in the middle of the next chapter of your life, and it will feel normal. In the meantime, be kind and patient with yourself.

*equity = current home value – loan balance

Note: I am not a lawyer. Please don’t interpret any of this as legal advice. Talk to an actual lawyer for that.